Reload My Soul

Vocals: Hanasaki Miyabi
Lyrics, composition, and arrangement: MURASAKI
Illust: Curemoto

See below for translation notes! 🙂

English

When I hold the controller, I’m caught in a daze
Switching between on and off, in a never-ending loop
Pushing that DPS, BPM ticking by
I play without a care for the world

Once I’m hooked, I can’t turn back – even if they laugh it off and say it’s pointless

I want to show you – I don’t want to show you – the wavering depths of my heart
Don’t go away, don’t leave me be
But this is the truth

Hey, d’you know?
Hey, can you hear me?
This is how I truly am

Which is the light, and which is the dark?
What’s lit in my flickering monitor is reality
Gather up all the hate – take it with me to the grave
Let’s return to the connected world with our mismatched party

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
MYB what should I be?

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA

Aim at the noobs, target’s a hundred kills
I won’t ever relent, won’t ever lose faith
Won’t give up until I carry my allies
If I line up an enemy headshot – that’s a nice try

Securing the win with a flick – it’s overtime
Before I know it, I’m standing on the front line
Grasping at victory with these hands of mine

Hey, d’you know?
Hey, are you listening?
This is what I truly want

Which is the front, and which is what’s inside?
What’s lit up in my flickering monitor is reality
Lining up my aim – take it with me to the grave
Let’s return to the connected world with this squad of allies

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
MYB what should I be?

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
NA NA NA NA NA NA

Which is the light, and which is the dark?
What’s lit in my flickering monitor is reality
Gather up all the hate – take it with me to the grave
Let’s return to the connected world with our mismatched party

Notes

First off, gamer lingo:

DPS – damage per second; can also refer to a specific type of character/playstyle/role that focuses on being a frontline attacker

BPM – beats per minute; most typically used when talking about the rate of someone’s heartbeat or the tempo of a song

Party – refers to the group of people on your team in a game; in this context, could also be referring to his ✨ friends ✨ beside him, AKA holostars 🙂 keeping him tethered to reality

Noob – old gamer lingo for “newbie”

Carry – supporting your allies to the point of practically doing the hard work for them

NT – abbreviation for “nice try”, often said to your teammates if you lose (also thanks toge for reminding me that at one point Miyabi thought this stood for “nekochan time” LOL)

OT – overtime

General notes:

* The song is 3:03 long – matching Miyabi’s birthday, 03/03!

* “They” is written as “other people” but read as “people”. “They” by itself can work fine in English for othering a group of people

* 聞いてんの vs 聴いてんの – both read as “kiitenno” with a slight nuance in meaning. The former is “hearing”, the latter is “listening”. So, there’s a subtle difference between these two prechoruses; in the first, Miyabi questions if we are hearing him. By the second, however, he wants to know if we are really listening–i.e., paying close attention to what he’s saying.

* Light vs dark & front vs inside – question of what is true and what is false; in the case of the latter, it’s 表 (omote) and 裏 (ura), which have various meanings depending on the context. I chose “front” for omote as it carries a double meaning in English (the outward appearance of something, or a projection one uses to conceal the truth). Ura can mean “underneath” as well, but I went with “inside” for more clarity. This is also related to the “what should I be” line–he’s walking the line between online and reality, a persona and his true self!

* 現実 (genjitsu) is read as “riaru”/“real”; the word genjitsu itself means “reality”, but the given reading of “riaru” adds some extra nuance. リアル (riaru) is often used in online contexts to refer to “real life”–akin to how English uses the term “IRL”. 

(This is my own interpretation, but I think it’s implying that what is lit up by his monitor–i.e., the real world around him–is the true reality. Even as he’s immersed in games, he needs to remember what is actually real.)

* ヘイト(heito) – in this context, meaning online negativity

* 冥途の土産 (meido no miyage) – lit. “pleasant memories to take with you to the afterlife”. Again, playing into the juxtaposition–even if he’s surrounded by hate or enemies, he can find the good in his situation. There is worth even in negativity.

* ちぐはぐ (chiguhagu) – lit. “mismatched”. If this sounds familiar… you may be a Hanakishi truther 🙂 In all seriousness, this is the same chiguhagu as the Hanakishi original duet song, Mismatched Flowery Knight!